Joy baskets

Thought i would list today, being a particularly fine morning to write all the things one should be thankful for, and also keeping things in one joyful basket, should at any time i feel the impulse to gag at my unending basket of gag reflex job...

1. No traffic jams today on the long drive, a consistently useful thing

2. I get to see my son and wife today before work, something that doesn't happen as often as it should, although, as it often does, its heartbreaking to wave goodbye to them every morning

3. Sitting here with my coffee and croissants, wishing all days would be spent just like this, in a coffee shop where thoughts can percolate and simmer before without constant white noise...

Righteous path...

There is a constant chatter on the horizon of the world...

One question is solved, but another will pop to replace the said question

Sometimes the question in question, will multiply all by itself, to perform many multiple permutation of the question... All bigger and more complex, forming giant pools of extra worries in your head..

Let it not be said that moving forward is a result, but merely progress towards an unknown entity. 

That entity, in itself changes as you age and progress...sometimes the goals you set for yourself is no longer clear.... Or maybe what was unfocused to begin with, grew opaque.. With all these questions, piling up and no way to answer, the biggest question is :

How to i ignore all these questions,  stop trying to answer it all and start to do things spontaneously without worrying about the consequences? 

All our life we have been trained to look ahead, watch the road, dont talk to strangers , to be careful, and exercise prudence wherever possible, 

and now, when we become mature responsible adults, we are told to forget all this and make snap decision with the bare minimum of information, to enjoy life to the full with unbridled abandon, and to network with as many people as possible? Its just not what we're taught....

I think the only way we all stay sane enough, more than ever, is to recognize that the world will always change, and the definition of what is right, will constantly evolve... Youre wasting your time doing what is right for today and producing mediocre result in the future

Heck, you might as well do what you want.... Most probably, in 10-15 years time, it will be the right thing to do..... 

Networking

Apparently looking for a job is as stressful as i remembered. It doesnt matter whether you have 10 years experience or none... Still stressful...

Problem happens when what you have learned in your many years in the trench-pit, isn't what you actually want to do in life? What then......

Is all your hard learned investment gone way down the drain?

Does that make you somebody who had to learn it allover again.... A.k.a no comfort zone to be had...

Heres wishing all those years meant something to somebody,  that experience in any industry, is worth more than degrees, and has way greater common sense result than people with less experience but related experience.....

A rant, nothing more..... But a thougt to ponder upon. If by any chance you happen to stumble upon what you think is Something that is worth exploring, please do go ahead and do it... Like any expensive items, the cost, and discomfort will be worth the enjoyment,.....

It has to.....

Blur, Bang, Boom, Pfffttt.....

it was a blur... that was to become a bang... and ended with barely a whimper.

A, day, three weeks ago, the big man, lets call him, Voldemort, slithered by, and   commanded, in his slippery,  way, "Wilson, the head honcho of the underworld is coming, make presentation"....and with that  one comment, all the slave drivers, are woken up from their slumber and started to beat down on us little minions, mercilessly scrutinising our laptops for any sign of weakness, finding problems where there aren't any, and making endless corrections for our tribute to the Great Underworld Leader.

So on it goes... Our Presentation is up within 3 sleepless days, and then Voldemort decides to bring his partner in crime, Wormwood, to review. Wormwood, is a funny old man, balding, twitching with nervous energy. Wormwood, deemed our presentation show, "Unsatisfactory!", and "All Over the Place!" the Great Dear Leader will not be pleased", "Our Heads will be in the Gallows by Sun down"..

So comes the 2nd step of our Great Document Revision. Headed by Sirius Black, a hairy, hairy man, with a booming voice and a maze-like mind... Minions are scurrying back and forth at double speed, ignoring sickness and fatigue to figure out the maze of Sirius Black's mind... On and On it goes, from 3rd, revision, until 7th.... until Wormwood himself finally came and declared... nothing... just a nod.

and so here we are, 3 weeks later...presentation material, immaculate, minions freshly waxed, with the additional patina of black eye rings showing the fatigue of 3 weeks non stop preparation. Wormwood, looking very twitchy, Voldemort Looking very slippery... and minions trembling with nervous energy, scared and worried at the same time

And then, suddenly, a voice came over the radio.... Today presentation is postponed, the Great Dear  Leader is unable to attend due to him being sick, and please shorten your presentation to the Vice Dear leader within 3 minutes"..

And so now, the material is hanging in the presentation room, unused, unread for the past 2 week. Makes me wonder if anything we do will ever be significant, or will we, finally, be relegated to the dustbin?

Lifeline...

I've sat about on this desk blankly at this blog... about how it is on earth that we're supposed to write about.

some people can't make things up, and wander away into the abyss that is fantasy, and create lives that are different, more grotesque / more enjoyable than their real self.

others will just draw upon their past lives and experiences, usually those people will have a terrifyingly grandiose experiences that you never want to experience.

I suppose what i want to say is, that as you are also getting older, there is also your lives, unexpectedly, become quite domesticated. wake up, take shower, kiss the baby, kiss the misses, go to work, until 9, go home, sleep, and doing it all over again. until the weekend arrives and we realised, that we have done over a week of the same items that we've been dreading all the time. and also, you realised that you've been trying too hard to justify the life that you're living now, is the best that you can ever be...

and that takes its toll out of you... and it seeps into your content little lives... wishing that it wasn't, but it did, and nothing you say can take it all away from it. and i have to get it back.

And getting it back means that not taking the flak...  and standing up for what you believe... and not having to put up with 70-80 hour work week... for the past 12 years... maybe then it will happen..So forget about my last post about surviving, its a wash.  It is all about being content and finding a combination of something that you really want to do.  and maybe, somewhere out there, there is something that is worth spending a 70 hour work week for.

Ramble

its not the baby.

the little man is doing fine.. and well taken care of by D. i do my part, here and there. supporting backups... providing sustenance to the mother... and day dreaming about baby food plans...
there, I said it. I day dream...

not because there's no work to be done... mountainous...and its creeping up on my table ominously like huge giant scoopfuls of crap...

sigh... someday I can look back on this and take this as a learning experience.

but not this morning, 3.30 AM

perhaps i'm due a vacation.... again, that's what people always say... the good thing is that little man is approaching his six month degustory period in house, and will soon be out and about..
which is a good thing, i think...

Home on the Range

Wilson is not supposed to be here. 

He's supposed to be home all changed up, showered, ready for some relaxing conversation. 

But here he is, instead, in a sushi joint.  The sushi conveyor belt does its thing and tries to entice him with the same gunkan sushi it has been rolling out for the past half hour, at every 2 minute intervals. The food version of scrolling through TV channels.  

There is comfort in those conveyor belts. its as if life will stay the same. like that california roll you see now, that will be back in front of you in 2 minutes, looking the same, slightly older, by 2 minutes. 

no such luck. 

is he afraid to come home and face the reality? no. is he unhappy at home? far from it.   

nonetheless he gazes.... at those california rolls... like he did at the time when things were much simpler  then..... before making that inevitable trip home.

and as he got home. ... and relaxed, and make funny faces to the little man, he would be surprised,  and wonder what the fuss was all about and why it took him so long to get home, and promises himself that he will not make the same mistake

And the very next day, wilson would be back at the sushi joint. 

Life, is a puzzle sometime. 

And Baby makes Three

It's a new step, this. 

a baby boy has shown up on our doorstep. Not that he was unannounced... He's been banging loudly about it since 10 months ago... 

but like my usual self, and my well documented allergies to small kids/babies/toddlers, I put it wayyy at the back of my mind. Hoping that the problems will sort itself out.  

So,  while D was fighting morning sickness and aversion to strong odors... i had been merrily experimenting with my pungent soy sauce/sesame oil/garlic/spring onion/pears/pineapple bulgogi marinade, which tasted great, but didn't go all that well with D.....  Wilson was not lying when he said D looks great, he was also convincing himself that he was just dating a much bigger, hungrier version of D.   

Then time passed very quickly....  a kicking, screaming, bundle of a little man arrived.  This time, there's no escaping it. 

pretty soon, everything became a frenzied activity of feeding/pooping/cleaning/staying awake till the wee hours of the morning.  and if you're wondering, yes, it is possible, even for men, to have the baby blues... I did, still do from time to time. And at times i still take the long way home,  taking time out to endlessly gaze at the sushi joints conveyor belt... 

but  it didn't feel like a problem.. it feels like a new job. where nothing is familiar, and you have to start learning everything all over again.  but the challenge is there. 

i havent been fully accepted at this job... i don't think i ever will. but now i know i can live with it, and maybe learn from it a little. and perhaps... in time, i'll get to enjoy it a little. 

So For Now.. it's Just D and me, and Baby makes Three. we're together in our Blue Heaven. 

And then, there were two

Its been 3 months since I got married.
If you didn't know, it's because I didn't tell you before. Don't feel left out. I didn't tell anyone either.. except my family, and closest friends…

And I suppose, eventually, the people at the office. Because I need to apply for leave. If I didn't have to, I wouldn't tell them either. No Offense. Wilson and his new sidekick isn't into big weddings. They're not into any wedding celebrations at all, actually. It was done, because, as I have said before, it is custom. We can't have people screaming bloody murder about not being invited, and how they're not being respected, etc. People can be so self centered sometimes.

And here it has.. wedding band on my right finger. Who is she? Simply, that, D is the female version of Wilson . Bar None. It's like to talking to myself, only better. Because she's better looking.
In better shape, and she has this way of making you feel like you've known her forever.
And as for why I got married. It's pretty simple actually.
I had no choice.
It was either that, or losing my heart. And she has my heart.
And I don't think I can live without it.
Come to think of it, she hasn't given it back to me yet.
Which is alright, I suppose.
It's right where it wants to be.

A moment of Solitude

it's been a while since my last post. the last one, was at a coffeeshop, alone, in december. This one, is also made, in a coffeeshop, so it's been close to 7 months since my last post.

Which means, its also been 7 months since I sat in a coffeeshop, and had quality time for myself. and I miss it. A whole lot. in the hustle bustle of coffeeshop, and nobody you know that might just stand behind you and give (what they think is) a friendly chat to accompany this ball and his laptop.

as I sit here, i can feel my brain cells settling down, regrouping, and categorizing themselves into recognisable images.

A lot of things has happened in 7 months. enough so that this quality time is well deserved. in between them, i've tried a lot of methods.

watching movies, cooking, meeting new people, fitnessing, biking, shopping, multiple shoppings for bike parts, etc.....

and nothing really beats this...

i'm looking forward to blogging many things. and...including my latest, latest developments... of which, you may already know... Yes... it is my biggest step yet so far... and places me into the realms of so-called "normal" people...... and surprisingly enough... i like it... :-)

Meditation

I've probably ticked off one of the task I set out to do for myself, around 3- 4 years ago. I didn't actually figure it taking so long, but, i suppose there's no getting around that.

What would that be, Wilson? well, the question of who or what being in a relationship is, has probably been answered, to my relief. annd.. i have to admit really liking it, which is why I've been neglecting this blog. For the first time ever, I have better things to do, and an absolutely crystal clear excuse to not blog :-)

it's good, in a way that, when wilson is alone blinking at the coffeeshop, it's because this ball needs the time to meditate his thoughts, not because he's a poor sod who has absolutely nobody to meet and be with. it's a tiny difference, but it's one that, mentally, does wonders. and actually focuses me to meditate further on what one should be doing next.

i'm just going to write things down here, and see where it ends up for me. and one of the i should follow up in the near future.
1. Wilson should just go for his Masters Degree, and follow up getting jobs
at an NGO being a Logistics specialist, coordinating logistics supplies around the world to places that needs it.
2. Wilson the niche restaurateur, selling his famous banana crumbles on the beach.
3. Wilson, still goes for his Masters, and end up working where it takes him, in Singapore, maybe... (still love that city, for whatever reason).....
4. Wilson, in the business of helping people whatever their goals may be. (yeah, I know... totally random)

Wilson thoughts are now scrambled and unfocused, but determined, as this blog is.. it is not good reading, but it is something that i need to put up, to remind this ball, that doing something may take years, and may seem unachieveable, but with a positive outlook, and a little luck, things might just happen.

A Thought to end all Thoughts.

As he sat in the office, alone, on a Monday night, a thousand things could have had him seriously, seriously depressed

Of the bosses that had the nerve to give an “urgent” last task, and left home shortly afterward.

Of the endless meeting throughout the day, without as much as a drop of water ( they were apparently out of clean glass, a really, REALLY bad excuse)

Of the extreme heat this afternoon, which promises rain later tonite, which spells bad things for people who chose to commute by bicycle today (himself, included)

Of jobs that had no rhyme nor reasons, but still had deadlines.

But tonight,  he was neither serious, nor depressed

He was Relaxed, Optimistic, and Content.

What did He do?

He Thought About Miles Davis’s Seven Steps to Heaven,

He Thought About ElizabethTown, and bright, bright sunset, streaming through the window

He Thought About White, and Green, with splashes of Yellow

He Thought about the next weekend, Saturday, Sunday and what it may bring

He Thought About You.

 

A Question of Faith

Along with the additional extra free time come more contemplation time, and not unlike’s BC’s endless contemplation with name changing, comes my ever lasting consideration of my faith.   According to the parents ( Mom, especially), the holy grail of a person’s existence can be found in one’s faith, basically his strong connection to the great unknown. It is the set of beliefs that will carry a person through to the deep end of the ocean, or wherever a person finds himself in.

And as usual, deep in the fasting month there are certain questions that is replayed….. Just how much is faith playing a part in your life, and how much do you want faith to play a part in your life?

This question surfaced every year,  to be discarded by the end of the fasting period

In all fairness, I consider myself to be a static ball when it comes to faith, a.k.a. : I do the routine, what needs to be done, but never that much more. There’s some occasional foray into “deep faith” (which usually happens before big events & important meetings)  but as the events ends, so does the frantic prayer activity.  Thing is, I had always hoped by doing the routine,  the magic lightbulb would eventually turn itself on and I would just “feel” the effects…..or “something” that compels me to do more.  Well, it hasn’t yet.

So, at some point I just begin to wonder, is it all worth it?  As Gandhi said, almost everything you do in life will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.  Maybe this is one of them. Maybe by doing more of it this fasting month, I’ll get my answers. Or maybe I won’t… or maybe I’m just not supposed to understand it now,  and maybe It’ll all fall into place at the deep end of the ocean. But it’s impossible to get to where you’re going without knowing where you’re going.

So, I suppose I should do something different….. this fasting month, aside from the chance to at be 16 pounds overweight (as opposed to 20 pounds overweight L) I’m resolving going deeper, as opposed to doing more.  I don’t know how I would go about it yet.. it has yet to be thought out…as usual…but it’s a start.

Maybe it’ll help this ball bounce where it needs to be going, instead of bouncing all over the place. And at least at the end of the month, I can always update you whether I’ve made any progress, if not in the faith, at least the weight.. J  Happy Fasting Everyone….

 

 

All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go

June, is a wedding month… every week, be it Saturday/Sunday, you’re bound to receive one/two invitations at weekends.

 

I have nothing against weddings… I think it’s great that two people who like each other enough is willing to go through the motions of announcing their short-lived lust of each other and invite everybody to join in their joy.

It’s just that, it really is an aggravation.

We have a thing down here about weddings.. Attending weddings is an obligation. Unless you are sick/poorly, have another important matter, urgent family demands,  custom dictates that it would be impolite not to attend the wedding, when you have clearly been invited.

The custom goes both ways,  because the wedding invitee also needs to issue out as many wedding invitations as posible, to the remotest of relatives as far away as the Darkest Peru.... as we now know, it is impolite to not invite people. Even ones they don’t really know.

Thereafter, in conclusion, you’re getting a lot of wedding invitations to people you barely know.  And most invitee will have somewhat big weddings, oh, around 2000 people or so…

And as is custom, weddings requires people to dress well..very well.. in fact, the easiest is a coat and tie… and as June is the Indian Summer months, so take note that while we may look formal and quite studly, inside we are silently sweating buckets and cursing whoever it is that invented coats.  

And so, the story goes, one dresses up nicely…diets for it, goes to the hairdresser for it. Spend hours pruning and preening for it…

So one can,  circle for hours looking for parking spaces,  wait in long queues to congratulate the benefactor, get limp, tired handshakes from the bride/groom,  get some buffet and sod off home, sweating.

I repeat. I have nothing against weddings. Just the grand pointlessness of it all.  But then again, what do I know. After all,  It is Custom.

 

I Suppose I Could Tell You.............

How it feels, to whistle down between the tree-lined tea plantations, wind brushing your face.

The speed as you wiggle around the singletrack, so periously close to the edge of the plantation valleys...

How your lungs bursts as you slowly grind up that never ending climb.

How slippery the ground is the morning after the rain, and how your heart pounds as you wrestle the bike down the steep slope, slipping and sliding...

But i'd rather let you picture, the end of the ride. dirty, tired, smiling, and all around you is a stunning vista of trees and that sweet mountain air.

Phew.

I love my new Hobby.

A Moment of Weakness

Inexplicably,

From time to time I’m struck with acute moments of aloneness..

It doesn’t last long…, a minute, at most…even a second…

But it sinks deep…and haunts you throughout the day…..

Funny this, coming from a closet introvert. Makes one wonder if Wilson has taken the right lifestyle choices.

Book "Inch" Worm

So, to note. I have bought another book. a novel, this time.
which makes my collection of books i have bought in the past 3 months, up to..ten..and counting

1. Bobby Flay's Burger book (burgers look fun)
2. Jamie Oliver's Dinner (loved Jamie's books)
3. Gentlemen of the Road (Michael Chabon)
4. the Mysteries of Pittsburgh (Michael Chabon)
5. Slam (Nick Hornby)
6. Twenties Girl (Sophie Kinsella)
7. The Art of War (Sun Tzu)
8. The To Do List (Mike Gayle)
9. Things Managements do which you have not done (some obscure witch writer)
10. Introverted Management (which was a wash, because it was written by an extrovert, bah)

Aside from the last book, which was, pretty much neglected. the only book that i managed to read was.... The Sophie Kinsella.. which was finished in one day flat...

The rest of the book, was flipped about, once or twice, deigned too complicated to read, and shoveled into the book rack, which and stays there collecting dust, waiting for the other new unread books.

I suppose I liked the concept of reading a book better than actually reading it. see.. buying it does make you sound more intellegent, somewhat. like when I decided to buy a Michael Chabon novel (or three) just because he was a Pullitzer winning novelist, and smart intelligent ball like Wilson should be reading a Pullitzer winning novel.

Well, not so fast, Wilson......this concept of getting "cultured" by book reading is wearing pretty thin pretty fast. But I digress. It is just a way for Wilson to understand people without meeting them.

Turns out, people are seemingly even more complicated in novels, than they are in real life (as per Pullitzer winning author's point of view).

Back to the drawing board Wilson, looks like you'll have to meet more people soon.

Perfect Day

Let me tell you what my perfect day is……

Its bound to be on a non-working day, for sure. So, a holiday….

On that day, I’m going to wake up pretty late…say, around 9……and have something to eat..a solid burger, or a sandwich, with all the trimmings….

And then I’ll sit by the couch…. TV off/on, some music. Or maybe I’ll just google/blog something up.

In the afternoon, after a bit of a nap, I’ll go off and have a light exercise at the gym

And then have a ridiculously huge late lunch, like a japanese chicken curry rice. With green tea.

maybe then a little cake with coffee, with a good book, at Starbucks.….

And then go home, and watch some movie on DVD

And go to bed, early…. Say, Nine, or Ten, tops

And doing all of this, without talking….to anybody…..……

One should try it…..infinitely refreshing to only start talking again by Monday.

There’s so many useless, unimportant things being talked about, your head fill up with so many useless talks, debates, useless jokes, that maybe, one doesn’t realise, that maybe, just maybe, your mouth could do with a break. Give time for the brain to restructure your sentences before you say something that you might regret..

Now that, would be the perfect day.

Humpitty humpitty boom boom "get on up to it"

There’s something truly subjective about creating music, either the right kind of music, or the wrong kind of music.  I have personally not understood the definitions of DJ’s as musicians..

Granted, they may have good taste in music (an entirely subjective matter)… but does that make them musicians ??? They don’t actually play a musical instrument. The definitions would be eclectic music players…and truly undeserving of the dosh they make selling albums containing bits and pieces of real songs mutilated and repeated over and over again and call them “ A Musical Masterpiece”…..Bah…. and us poor souls have to listen to those truly hideous songs in the only two places does play them, namely the Club and the Gym

Why am I ranting??? Well, in as many month as I have (reluctantly) went to the gym, I have never forgotten my iPod…..but, I didn’t bring it yesterday… And for two mind numbing hours I have had to listen to the some DJ albums, consisting of a guy repeating the phrase “ Get it on up to it”….over…and over…. For 17,000 times in a row……..

Hoping for some enlightment, I asked the guy in charge the reason why they played this “thing”…and the official answer, straight faced was… “People work out harder,  and enjoy working out more with these beats”….

Why on earth does anybody think that  creating repeating a beat over and over and repeating a phrase “get it on up to it” over and over 17,000 times in a row would make you work out any harder??  

It escapes my Very Little Brain… maybe one needs much bigger brains to comprehend these music…… for sure, that’s the last time I’ll forget my Pods….

Insensical

The problem with writing emails is… you expect a reply in return,

so, when it doesn’t come… you immediately think that something was wrong with your reply, and you’re left with palpitations of “what have I done”…whereas when you have received the mail… and you know that everything is all right.. you may no longer have the impulse to reply… which, may leave the other side wondering what THEY have done………

Human beings are so filled with things that don’t make sense..